First – what are the common traits of a gas-lighter?

1. Denial and Deflection
2. Projection
3. Isolation and Control

Side Effects the abuser projects on to the victim.

1. These behaviors are set up to be dominant, in control and a reason to deflect the blame on someone else so they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions.
2. The victim doubts their own reality of what is going on around them and their self-worth has been shattered – however, the victim usually doesn’t know this while still in the relationship.
3. This will usually lead a victim to suffer from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, loss of self-worth, and many times – thought of suicide.

Steps for recovery:

1. Recognizing what gaslighting is – Which is Hands Down – Emotional Abuse
2. Begin a practice of self-compassion – begin each day with affirmations for yourself. This is not easy, but I promise you it will be well worth it the day you look back and think – Wow – I have really came this far and I did this all alone. You will thank yourself later, I promise you this.
3. Start to think about your values and your goals, but I believe values should come first. Once you are able to align again with who you are, who you were going to be before all this abuse started, and who you were supposed to be when you were brought to this earth, these things will in fact lead you to your authentic self, the person you had been will rise up again and you will feel alive just knowing that this healing process is beginning and you will know in that moment that you are going to make it through this valley.

Self-Care for Victims:

If you currently do not meditate, please trust in my recommendation to start this daily process. Even if it is for 1 minute a day, hear my words as I tell you to keep going. Each day, go one minute longer until you reach 10-15 minutes daily. Do nothing during this time, learn to sit in silence, zero noise, zero distractions and zero thoughts – when possible. If you drift off, that is alright, just regain your thoughts and come back to stillness. This is a place of healing – complete healing. It brings a sense of peace, happiness and utter stillness to our souls. It is more than healing.

Journaling, this is a beautiful way to write down our thoughts and feelings. Each of us process things differently. I personally like to write, but not always can I find that peace in doing this practice as much as Mediating. If you enjoy journalling, don’t feel you have to write for hours, or even finish a page. Rather, write your few sentences of your thoughts, date it, and move on with your evening.

Rest, I realize this isn’t usually the normal thing we see when advice is given. I feel like everything I read during my healing journey was talking about Physical activity and Healthy eating. Well, personally I disagree with that. I feel we need rest in a time such as this. We have been ran over, hit upside the head, slapped across the face almost daily, we are certain we don’t know how to do anything on our own, we don’t actually know what anyone is talking about, we doubt our own reality, we aren’t completely sure if we will ever listen to songs that have words in them again, we don’t know left from right, we are positive we will never figure out how to pay another bill alone in our life, and we most definitely know we will not stop staring at the wall, the floor, or the ceiling within our home, and at the end of the day we only know that we are ultimately alone.

We need rest, so much rest. If you are lucky enough to wake up in the morning and make it to a job on time, then please, stop, and give yourself a pat on your back, because freaking yay for you for being able to even do this! It’s so much, it takes so much energy to even go to the bathroom and walk down the stairs. Some days, this is all I did, and many days I was not able to do much except cry, lay, and rest. Don’t even get me started on taking a shower or eating, like food? Who has time for that stuff and how can one eat when we can’t even look in the mirror at our beautiful selves? I felt like throwing up daily and most of the days I did just that.

Let’s be thankful for rest and please take the time you need to keep resting until you are ready for another step. I feel this step is vital to our healing from a manipulating, gaslighting, toxic, abusive person who is no longer allowed in our presence of peace and happiness. Just be thankful that you aren’t having anyone over to smell our smelly selves since we aren’t sure when we plan on showering again. 🙂